Today is THE Day!

Today is the day I finish my essay for graduate school admission.  Everything else is done.  My financial aid was approved.  I have conditionally enrolled in my first class.  The book list is ready, and all I have to do is click the button to order my texts.  Everything is in place.  However, I am stuck in sight of the finish line (or in this case, the starting line), and have been unable to clear this final hurdle for full enrollment.  Unfortunately, this is a long-time pattern for me.  How did this happen?  I don’t know.  I just know that when I get close to the “prize,” whatever that might be, I choke, hem-and-haw, stop to smell the roses, mentally wander through a useless thought garden.  Happens without fail.  And that is where I am today.  Just this one more thing (not difficult or time-consuming) to do.  Sadly, many opportunities have slipped through my fingers because of my procrastination…or absolute avoidance.  Is it fear?  Is it perfectionism? What?  There is both a little fear, and a lot of perfectionism, but I’ve shown myself to be a risk taker, and can function at a reasonable level far short of perfect (my blog, for instance.)  Knowing my past accomplishments and capabilities does not seem to be enough impetus to help me accomplish what I need to do in situations like this.  On the other hand, the positive side is that I am a ruminator (?) and after much ruminating I am able to move forward with great clarity and speed.  After a year and a half of considering this step (ruminating,) I have moved forward with said clarity and speed, as usual, except for this one thing…as usual.  So, this morning when I awoke, I resolved to myself to finish the essay already started, and submit it by noon!  Nothing like a deadline to get me moving!

Why am I telling you this?  Accountability.  Check in with me later today to see if I made it…

To be continued. . .

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